101 (Braindump Poem #1)

(Read the full version here)

1

I don’t understand;

it’s not like the movies

2

(eyes meet hearts beat turn feet hey!

i just… i just wanted

to tell you

you look beautiful today).

3

Eyes meet heart beats heads down hmm…

1)   No kids or girlfriend

(that’s a good start)

2)   How far are we now from Queen Street?

(apt name that. ha.)

3)   That jumper… maybe?

(yeah but, the current fashion…)

4)   And that stubble’s honed down

(i agree, a little too precisely. but then again…)

4

And that isn’t even starting

to touch

on the bigger questions, like

Isn’t there enough

of love, enough

to fill the gaping

wounds like salt?

5

And when I look back up

the movie in my mouth has

bombed in my box office brain.

I chose this poem as the first to appear on my blog because it is a typical example of the type of ‘braindump’ poems I intend to publish here: freeverse, a little experimental, to the point. It is the expression of a moment, a feeling, something you as the reader may empathise with or think about, if you so desire.

The poem was born from a haiku I’d written as part of a renga we made collectively in a creative writing class I was taking at the time. One of the stanzas I contributed was the following:

Isn’t there enough

of love, enough to fill the

gaping wounds like salt

After the renga was finished, I kept thinking about this stanza, about my own anxiety about love and relationships, in contrast to the Hollywood idea of love at first sight. This got me thinking of my experiences as a queer person, and about how the idea of ‘love at first sight’ is quasi-impossible for me as about 90% of the men I find attractive on the street will be straight.

The poem’s title, ‘101’, signifies the basics that one has to learn (I had in mind the numbers of the introductory modules I’d taken at my university, Warwick). The poem contrasts the ideas posited in the media about love at first sight (in parentheses in the second stanza) with the speaker’s thought-process as they* debate whether or not the love-object (to use the term loosely) is gay. The monologue then grows more internal as the speaker questions whether or not they are even ready for any kind of romantic relationship. All this pondering kills the moment, and the speaker’s thoughts fall flat.

* I use ‘they’ as a gender-neutral 3rd person singular pronoun, and will do so throughout my blog. Other terms, such as ‘s/he’ do not include individuals who do not identify within the gender binary.

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One thought on “101 (Braindump Poem #1)

  1. Pingback: Site Update | L James

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